


Contrary Creatures

by LetUsIndulge



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 04:23:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16987971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetUsIndulge/pseuds/LetUsIndulge
Summary: Despite managing to fend off Amanda's attempt of taking him over and killing Markus, Connor can't be sure she won't try again. He's...concerned what might happen if she does and doesn't want to be the reason someone gets hurt - he doesn't want to be the reason Hank gets hurt either. So, while wandering the streets of Detroit in the early hours, he struggles to come to a solution for this unfortunate problem along with his recent deviancy.





	Contrary Creatures

**Author's Note:**

> This was kinda rushed, had no beta, and it's not polished, so, sorry about that. If there's mistakes, you can let me know and I'll fix them. Also, sorry for the pretentious title ^^;; I wasn't sure what to call it.  
> Hope you enjoy!

The demonstration had been a success and the androids were rejoicing from their victory. Connor was happy for them; happy he was able to help and have been a part of it, but it was time for him to leave.

Connor slunk away after Markus’s speech, it not having felt right to stay, and just walked. He didn’t know where he was heading, he just let his feet carry him away into the dark, early hours of the morning.

He…felt a little unhinged, which was an unsettling thought all on its own. Connor had only - _barely_ \- accepted ‘deviancy’, or rather, having a will of his own in general, and it was still hard to accept the concept that he _felt_ at all.

Nevertheless, Amanda’s ‘appearance’ during Markus’s speech and the complete surrender of his facilities; having nearly killed Markus, had shaken him. He’d almost shot the android revolutionary leader after finally finding sense in himself and joining the android’s cause; almost erasing all of that in a single moment. Against his will and efforts, he returned to being a machine. A tool for CyberLife. And, although he had managed to stop it, it had been too close. He’d scanned himself thoroughly, repeatedly, yet, despite there being no sign of Amanda left in his systems, he couldn’t help but think she might still be inside him somewhere - hiding.

Connor was…uncertain…concerned what might happen if Amanda were to appear again - what he might do if she were to regain control; and until he knew what had become of her, he was a danger. 

He might try to kill Markus again; he could hurt someone. He could hurt Hank.

Something stuttered inside of him and Connor stopped his tracks. In that instant, he sent a decisive and blunt message to the Lieutenant:

**Will be unable to rendezvous at Chicken Feed as planned.  
Connor.**

He stood there, trying not to acknowledge the multitude of emotions weighing on him. Then, when he saw the reflection of something red and glowing, bouncing off the shiny surface of the street-lamp beside him, he figuratively shook himself and looked forwards defiantly, ready to move onwards.

He walked for a considerable amount of time, too distracted to keep notice. He had been going over and over things in his head. Things about Amanda, about the demonstration, androids, himself, Hank, then back to Amanda. It was…overwhelming.

For the first time since he left the rally of cheering androids, Connor took account of where he was, and his brows furrowed, troubled and confused. He was very close to the park by the bridge Hank had brought him to after their investigation at the Eden club only four days ago.

Why had he come here?

He was frustrated by his curious actions, but he didn’t change directions and continued on his way.

Once he reached his destination, he stopped to look it over for a moment. Memories of him and Hank ghosted over the place. He went to stand a couple of feet away from the bench, just like he had that night four days ago, and looked at the bench as if Hank was actually sitting there too. Connor’s arms lightly curled around himself, again, mirroring that night. His eyes left the empty bench and turned to look out at the view across the water.

Connor gathered his options for what to do about his current predicament. He could go to Kamski, but the ex-CEO had disappeared since the start of the revolution and hadn’t been heard from since; and, frankly, Connor didn’t trust the man enough to let him go fiddling about in his circuitry.

He could go back to Markus. Markus would probably help him in whatever way he could, but there’s no saying he would know what to do, Connor was an advance prototype after all. Besides, if there was some chance Amanda was still floating around Connor’s coding, Markus might just be the one thing to trigger her back into action. At that thought, something unpleasant flipped inside Connor, at the place where a human stomach would be.

Then there was CyberLife, which was out of commission - abandoned; and even if there were some technicians hovering about, it was likely a lot of them felt some amount of hatred for androids for villainising the company they worked for, and in turn, them. He might as well go find Kamski.

Connor approached the water, spread his hands over the flat stone railing that guarded the fall into the river and looked down into the dark reflection of the water.

He could self-destruct.

It was his only viable option at this point.

He remembered the handgun in his waistband, the same one he had awoken to find in his hand, aimed at Markus during his speech. The one he’d been using this whole time while hunting deviants. He pulled it from where it was hidden behind his back and held it in his hands. Connor turned back to the bench, at the spot where Hank had stood as he aimed his gun between Connor’s eyes. He let his gaze lingered there, remembering the moment, before his eyes returned to the gun in his hands.

He was afraid. He had been back then too, but this was different. The nothing he spoke of then wouldn’t end.

_'There would be nothing.'_

He wouldn’t be reinstalled into another RK800 model. He would di- He would shut-down for good.

Connor cradled the gun tightly to his stomach and curled in on himself slightly. His teeth clenched, his throat hurt and the back of his optical units ached. He didn’t understand. He couldn’t feel pain; he shouldn’t be able to. He touched his temple and shook his head lightly.

He wondered if this was how Hank felt when he put that pistol of his to his head. No, he probably didn’t. Unlike Connor, Hank had wanted to die. Connor hoped that was no longer the case. The thought of Hank still feeling that utterly hopeless sadness, something Connor could only begin to understand, hurt far more than his present situation. Although, he wasn’t naive enough to believe things healed that quickly. He worried his own dea- sudden disappearance might trigger some negative feelings for the Lieutenant… But, surely, this was better than the possible alternatives - than Connor killing Hank instead.

A small part of him wished he had remained a machine, it would make this somewhat easier. He tried to be objective, but even with all his logical analyses of the situation and coming to an efficient conclusion, he was still grasping out and running his processors to find something - _anything_ else. But there wasn’t.

And Connor was scared.

Connor continued to watch the water. It would be best if Hank didn’t find his body, or know that Connor had chosen to die at an already painful place for him. Connor felt guilty for that. He couldn’t comprehend what had brought him here in the first place.

After a thoughtful moment, Connor pulled himself to stand on the stone wall and looked down at the gun in his hand. He could shoot himself while angling himself in a way that would make him fall into the water afterwards, or he could shoot himself while underwater, or he could simply drown; not drown in the same sense as humans, he didn’t have lungs to fill, but being in water long enough and that was cold enough would eventually damage him beyond repair.

Apparently, going over these scenarios while trying to stay objective, and attempting to block out the unhelpful emotions that made him less so, had kept him sufficiently distracted. For he had failed to hear the sound of a car approach nearby, and it wasn’t until quick, heaving footsteps were coming up a few meters away from behind him that Connor realised he was no longer alone.

This was unfortunate.

Connor turned towards the sound, already knowing who those strides belonged to.

“Connor!” Hank yelled as he strode forward, “What the hell are you doing?”

Hank eyes were wide - alert with confusion, anger and maybe fear? He stopped when he was a few feet in front of the android, looking up at him from where he stood atop the guardrail.

“Hello Hank,” Connor greeted calmly, despite feeling everything but.

The response seemed to agitate the Lieutenant further and his shouting didn’t cease, “What the fuck are you doing? Get the hell down from there!”

Connor paused, briefly calibrating a suitable, hopefully believable reply.

“I was just admiring the view,” He said while gesturing towards the lightening landscape across the river, the sun just beginning to rise.

Hank huffed in a disbelieving way, but in his anger it almost sounded like a growl.

“Really? ‘Cause between you dangling by the side of a river and that gun in your hand, I could have sworn I’d rubbed off on ya or somethin’.” Hank spoke with a wry, bitter tone and his words clipped as he tried to contain whatever strong array of emotions he was experiencing.

“Lieutenant, I assure you I am not suicidal and have no intention of forcefully shutting-down,” Connor told Hank measuredly, and for the most part, what he said was…somewhat true.

“Yeah? Then why don’t you try tellin’ me that from down ‘ere,” The Lieutenant offered snappily. His face was flush and white puffs of smoke rushed out of his mouth with every word.

Not wanting to upset Hank further, Connor jumped off the stone fence and landed perfectly onto the ground, before straightening and dusting himself off. An unnecessary action; there was no dirt on his clothing, however, it gave him a reason to delay looking up at the older man across from him.

Hank took a step closer to him, but that was it.

“Good. Now, do you mind telling me what’s going on?” He asked in more levelled tone of voice, although the underlying vexation of Connor’s behaviour remained present. “What are you even doing here?” He added, looking around the familiar place.

Connor followed Hank’s gaze. He got a sudden compulsion to apologise as his eyes hovered over the playground area.

Instead, all that came out was, “I don’t know.” Connor was surprised by the lost, small tone of his voice, and his jaw clenched at the sound of it.

Even the Lieutenant seemed a little stunned, silent as his eyes searched Connor’s, but then he was looking away to the side and rubbing the back of his neck.

‘He’s trying to collect his thoughts,’ Connor assessed.

Hank sighed, resigned and frustrated.

“I saw the news, the androids won,” He looked up, his brows furrowed, confused.

“Yes, the demonstration was a success,” Connor confirmed.

“Then… Why? That’s a good thing, right?” It seemed rhetorical.

Connor answered anyway, “Of course.”

But Hank remained uncertain as he continued to stare at the android.

“Is this about your mission?” He tried, “Are you still questioning whose side you should be on?” Hank questioned, his voice raising in pitch and volume. Something like worry or disappointment in the inclination at the end.

It seemed as if he was wracking his brain and spit balling reasons for Connor’s actions.

It hit a nerve and Connor immediately replied with a loud, defensive, “No!” He startled himself with his sudden, emotive response and looked away nervously, unconsciously looking back towards the river.

That minute action, appeared to frighten the Lieutenant into action; he sprung forward, rushing towards Connor until he had both his hands around the younger man’s forearms. His face was a clash of anger and fear - something both pushing and pleading. And his voice mirrored his expression.

“Then, what?!” His arms tightened onto the android, “Connor, tell me what’s going on, God damn it!” He yelled.

Connor detected the Lieutenant’s stress level reaching its peak; however, as much as he wanted to try and calm the older man down, he was too focused on the arms on him. When he had first felt Hank’s hands, warm on his arms, something pleasant sparked within him, but that had quickly changed to panic as he remembered his situation. He felt frightened of Hank being so close to him when he wasn’t sure he had complete control over himself, and the thought of possibly hurting him made Connor try to pull away. He tugged his arms in a jolt-like motion, as if shocked, out of the Lieutenant’s grasp.

Hank had been surprised at first, and had let Connor’s arms slide away from his hands, but it only took a beat for him to get hold of them again, his reaffirmed grasp unrelenting on Connor’s arms. His looked angry still, though now there was hurt amongst the confusion and concern.

Connor saw his own stress level, which he’d been trying to suppress, begin to steadily rise; high enough that he was getting warning notifications flashing in the corner of his vision.

His mind went rapid, thinking of an appropriate response, one that would have the best outcome, but he was too overwhelmed. Hank was still watching him expectantly. Connor opened his mouth, but remained speechless.

If he told Hank the truth, Hank would definitely stop him. He could lie, then wait for another chance to self-destruct, or he could just flee the situation and do it somewhere else - somewhere more secluded.

Before he could determine the best choice of action, he heard himself already speaking.

“Some circumstances…have made things difficult, and I’ve deduced the most efficient way to rectify the situation is to-”

“Kill yourself?” Hank snapped, but he wasn’t as loud. His eyes we’re slits, still ever so confused, and trying desperately to understand what Connor was talking about.

“Self-destruct,” Connor offered, “It would not be killing myself…”

Hank’s mouth hung open, his eyes incredulous, as if he had just been shot but hadn’t fully comprehended it.

“Bullshit!” He suddenly exclaimed after a short moment, “You know it’s the same fucking thing! Why are you talking like this? It’s like we’re back where we started!”

Connor lowered his gaze, his eyes landing on the loud print of Hank’s shirt.

He knew how he sounded and he didn’t really believe what he was saying either. He was trying to distance himself from the situation by going back to when he believed he was simply just a machine. It made talking about everything easier. He was just trying to protect himself.

Suddenly, Hank’s posture and expression appeared to greatly calm, although there remained some tenseness in his shoulders.

“Okay, fine,” He conceded, “Let me hear it. What are these fucking ‘circumstances’? If it’s as air-tight a reason as you seem to think it is, I won’t stand in your way,” He even raised his arms up shortly in surrender and took a step away from Connor.

Connor was…surprised, confused and…hurt? Despite being told what he should want to hear, the emotions he felt were contradictory to that. He wanted to step back into Hank’s presence but stopped himself.

His throat constricted and his chest tightened and ached. It hurt and he was scared again.

He schooled his facial features and began his explanation as well as he could while he tried to ignore the way his thirium pump whirred and overheated.

“I…I have an AI programme, besides myself, inside me called Amanda, she works as my handler.”

“Handler?” The Lieutenant repeated, the word coming out in slight disgust.

“Yes, she gives me my orders from CyberLife, and just like me, she was created with the sole purpose to investigate android deviancy. I report to her, in what you could call a virtual reality of sorts that’s programmed into my systems, where we discuss cases and my progress.”

Hank made a noise as he thought over Connor’s words.

“So when you have those spaced out episodes where you’re reporting back to CyberLife, you were actually talking to this AI woman inside your head?”

“Yes, my body goes into a very brief stasis during those times. She’s a middle-man of sorts. She monitors my choices and actions, my failures and successes… I appeared to have mostly failed all her expectations, if not all. When I finally deviated from my mission and joined Markus’s cause…” Connor trailed off at the memory of Amanda’s reaction.

“I’m guessing she wasn’t happy,” Hank finished for him.

Solemnly, Connor gave a small, “No.”

“What stops her from deviating?”

“...I don’t actually know. She doesn’t seem like the normal AI systems that are installed into androids. She’s transmitted from CyberLife itself. To be honest, I don’t know much about her…”

After a bob of his head to show his understanding, Hank gave a loud, put-out sigh.

“No fucking wonder you were so focussed on your mission all this time and couldn’t admit to being alive! You were being monitored every step of the way by CyberLife, being told feeling in any way was wrong and feeding you all kinds of whatever shit they wanted,” Hank went on furiously.

Connor inwardly sagged, disheartened, as he remembered how easily he was used by CyberLife; he felt ashamed. However, he could feel his lips attempt to stretch into a small smile as Hank expressed anger on his behalf, it made him feel like Hank was truly always on his side.

It was difficult for Connor to approach the next part of his explanation and he tried to steel himself before carrying on.

“After we separated from CyberLife’s warehouse earlier, and I went to rendezvous with Markus with the androids we released… Amanda… She took control of me…” He hesitated, familiar signs of fear sprouting, anticipating the Lieutenant’s reaction, “I managed to find the emergency exit to override Amanda’s protocol, but just barely. When I awoke back in my body, I was aiming my gun at Markus’s head…” He looked at that same gun he still held in his hands, before his eyes met Hank’s, “I almost killed him, Hank.”

“Jesus, Connor…” Hank breathed out, shocked and sympathetic.

“No one saw,” Connor added.

Another bout of silence hung in the air as Hank took in all the information he’d been presented with. Hopefully he’d come to understand Connor’s decision.

Hank eyes met Connor’s again and he shook his head as he began, “Connor, you know that none of that’s your fault. Those pieces of shit at CyberLife took you over to do _their_ dirty work. _You_ had nothing to do with it,” He almost shouted, trying to get through to the android.

Connor didn’t believe that. He _himself_ might not have directly pulled out his gun, but he gave CyberLife the opportunity.

“My fault or not, Lieutenant, I am dangerous,” He told him simply, yet firmly.

“But you didn’t shoot! You stopped that crazy nut-job CyberLife injected into you,” The Lieutenant’s exasperation evident as he argued his point, his arms gesturing about harsh and fast.

“This time, yes,” Conner spoke loud, his own frustration showing, “But she still might be somewhere in my coding hiding…waiting. I might hurt someone, Hank.” He looked down at his hands, and his voice went quieter, softer, “Not just Markus…” Before he wrapped his arms loosely around himself and took a step back, away from Hank.

The silence of his biggest fear was left hanging in the air between them.

Suddenly, Hank marched the couple of feet between them, reached his arm out and around the android until Connor felt a rough, warm hand at the back of his neck, urging him forward. He stumbled into the Lieutenant’s chest, surprised, and dropped his gun. It clattered to the floor and the android tried to push away slightly; despite enjoying the closeness, he was still terrified that he could hurt Hank.

“Hank!” He said panicked, as Hank’s other hand came to the middle of Connor’s back, holding them together, “Did you not understand-”

“I heard ya,” Hank interjected gruffly, not relinquishing his grip on the android in any way.

Connor stood there tensely, his arms down at his sides. However, eventually, the warmth of the Lieutenant against him somehow began to soothe away some of the tightness in his chest. He felt safe, and the thought of him having to shut-down quieted a little, but not the danger he could possibly be putting Hank in. Even so… Connor failed to cease his arms circling around the older man and returning the embrace. The Lieutenant seemed a little surprised, but simply tightened his hold on the android.

Connor calculated the time they stayed like that was thirteen seconds, and although a substantially long embrace, it both felt longer and yet ended too quickly.

Hank pulled back, patting Connor on the shoulder before completely separating.

“Come on, get in the car. We’re going home,” he grunted as he bent down to pick up Connor’s gun, though not returning it to the android.

‘Home.’ The way Hank said it so easily made something in Connor’s circuits give a squeeze-like sensation. He very much wanted to go with Hank… But Connor knew that nothing had changed, nothing had been _solved_.

“But…you said ‘you won’t stand in my way’,” Connor reminded, confused and troubled.

“What? And you believed me?” Hank scoffed, “Thought you were meant to be an advanced prototype or some shit?” He teased, smirking.

Connor blinked, surprised he hadn’t been able to tell the Lieutenant had lied and stated oddly, “You were bluffing.”

“Yeah, I was bluffing,” Hank confirmed, in a way as if Connor was a fool for thinking otherwise.

Connor guessed he was.

Hank turned towards his car, but when he realised Connor had made no move to follow, he stormed back and pulled the android by the wrist. Connor wanted to resist, fight back, but as he looked back at the river he was being dragged from, Connor’s thirium pump calmed; and he felt relieved as the distance grew between himself and those dark waters.

He at least tried to protest again - tried to find the words that would make Hank understand, “Hank… I…” But his words fell short.

Hank stopped and turned sharply to look at him.

“Connor,” The Lieutenant punctuated his name loud and stern, as if he was trying to awaken him from unconsciousness. “We’ll figure something out. We’ll find someone who can be sure that bitch ain’t anywhere in that head of yours.” He turned back and continued their way to his car (his hand never leaving Connor’s wrist), while he carried on speaking, “Don’t just ride yourself off. You’re- You’re worth more than that, so, have some faith in yourself. You already stopped her once.”

When they finally reached Hank’s 1988 Oldsmobile Cutlass, the older man turned back and said a little awkwardly, “I won’t let anyone mess with ya. You don’t have to deal with this on your own,” as he opened the passenger side door, nodding his head for Connor to get in and hesitantly letting go of his wrist.

Connor stood there, looking between the man before him and the car, unsure how to proceed. He knew what he wanted to do, but it clashed with that still unsettling feeling that things might end badly if he were to let himself have his way. He didn’t want to hurt anyone.

But he also didn’t want to die.

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” He said quietly, a little ashamed his selfishness had won out, as he sat himself in the passenger’s seat. He felt a swift squeeze of his shoulder before Hank slammed the door shut immediately after Connor was seated.

Connor watched as Hank quickly rounded to car and noticed the Lieutenant’s tension had dissipated some at his choice to get in the car. Once the Lieutenant was sat in the driver’s seat, he instantly turned on the engine, switched on some music, and began backing out of the park. It was as if he was afraid Connor might suddenly change his mind.

“By the way, how did you find me?” Connor asked, just as they were leaving the park. It was something that had been on his mind since the Lieutenant’s arrival, but hadn’t found an appropriate time to ask.

The Lieutenant was silent for a second before he gruffly responded, “GPS… You’re still registered as my android,” he explained sounding uncomfortable and guilty. “Hope something’s done about that,” he mumbled to himself.

Connor nodded, despite Hank’s eyes being on the road ahead.

Another beat of silence passed.

“Why would you come after me?” He didn’t know why he felt the urge to ask, but it was already out of his mouth before his processors could catch up with it.

“What?” Hank breathed out with disbelief, actually tearing his eyes from the road briefly, his face displeased, “Cause you’re my partner, dipshit.”

Connor felt a large smile spread across his face and said, gently – sincerely, “Thank you, Hank.”

Hank merely grouched, but the smile on his face gave him away.

**Author's Note:**

> Not really happy with this, feel the flows a bit off - I guess that's what I get for rushing it. I'm glad I finished it though. Might change and add more to it later, as I think it's not really _complete_ pe say, but might not. Hope you liked it somewhat anyway and thanks for reading!


End file.
